Blog me a river

I am a little bit displeased with myself about how little I am blogging about. It's really depressing. The more hectic my schedule becomes the less time I make for writing (note – the longer this goes on the unhappier I become…) Plus I feel like everything I am doing isn't very exciting or that I am exhausted all the time that I don't have any creative juices left in me (or that I am so tired that I forget to look for cool things to blog about). This is the worst.

So even though I am really tired and it's already 10 o'clock (and I couldn't fall asleep last night. Again). I am determined to write this blog because even if my creative writing is suffering (and I am not sure if I will make my goal of finishing my novella before I leave. Sad face) I will not my blog go untouched.

Since I have no real story to tell, this blog might end up as a list of complaints, which I am okay with as long as you give me a little bit of grace as you read this. Things here have been going fine but I am currently under a lot of stress. When things start to pile up, wow, I feel like I am drowning. That is how I currently feel. Plus when I get stressed out messes make me feel even more disoriented, and guess what people, I live in the manse where clutter and dirt originate. I am surprised I haven't pulled out my hair yet.

Actually, it's fairly ironic how stressed I feel (sometimes I can feel it effecting my heart. Literally. Which hasn't happened since jr. year of Bluffton). The main thing is this crazy production that I am in charge of for the Easter Convention. I will be feeling okay with it until I get hit with another round of pressure. For instance, I was getting ready for bed tonight when I realized there was a SMS on my phone that "reminded" us that Saturday is supposed to be a dress rehearsal day. Wow. I am nowhere near ready for that. And the tent is supposed to be going up this week so we will all be helping with that, so I am not sure when the heck this is going to get done. It's really discouraging. I think I would've been fine if I hadn't looked at my phone just now. But I did. I just hope it doesn't interfere with the quality of sleep that I may or may not get tonight.

I really just need a chance to breath – to relax without any expectations on me for time or what not. This hasn't happened since we were in Mthatha. The last few evenings we've had people over. On Sunday, we literally had people in the manse from 10 to 10 or 11Actually that has been great and I really enjoy cooking for people and "breaking Avanti's bread" together, that has been a real blessing. Still, I am so ready for a day that has nothing planned. Yesterday was a public holiday but since we still live at the manse, we still had to work (even though it's our day off – which generally means a day when we do less work than other days but still have to work). Thus I am still trying to catch my breath and I am not sure if that will happen for awhile. And maybe not even until July…

Well instead of chucking my phone into the garbage. Every time my phone rings or buzzed I internally cringe because I know it's something for work) in order to take a 7 day nap, I am going to try and read my book for awhile until I am too tried to stay awake.

Goodnight.