Well...

As of today that tent is officially up.

Blog me a river

I am a little bit displeased with myself about how little I am blogging about. It's really depressing. The more hectic my schedule becomes the less time I make for writing (note – the longer this goes on the unhappier I become…) Plus I feel like everything I am doing isn't very exciting or that I am exhausted all the time that I don't have any creative juices left in me (or that I am so tired that I forget to look for cool things to blog about). This is the worst.

So even though I am really tired and it's already 10 o'clock (and I couldn't fall asleep last night. Again). I am determined to write this blog because even if my creative writing is suffering (and I am not sure if I will make my goal of finishing my novella before I leave. Sad face) I will not my blog go untouched.

Since I have no real story to tell, this blog might end up as a list of complaints, which I am okay with as long as you give me a little bit of grace as you read this. Things here have been going fine but I am currently under a lot of stress. When things start to pile up, wow, I feel like I am drowning. That is how I currently feel. Plus when I get stressed out messes make me feel even more disoriented, and guess what people, I live in the manse where clutter and dirt originate. I am surprised I haven't pulled out my hair yet.

Actually, it's fairly ironic how stressed I feel (sometimes I can feel it effecting my heart. Literally. Which hasn't happened since jr. year of Bluffton). The main thing is this crazy production that I am in charge of for the Easter Convention. I will be feeling okay with it until I get hit with another round of pressure. For instance, I was getting ready for bed tonight when I realized there was a SMS on my phone that "reminded" us that Saturday is supposed to be a dress rehearsal day. Wow. I am nowhere near ready for that. And the tent is supposed to be going up this week so we will all be helping with that, so I am not sure when the heck this is going to get done. It's really discouraging. I think I would've been fine if I hadn't looked at my phone just now. But I did. I just hope it doesn't interfere with the quality of sleep that I may or may not get tonight.

I really just need a chance to breath – to relax without any expectations on me for time or what not. This hasn't happened since we were in Mthatha. The last few evenings we've had people over. On Sunday, we literally had people in the manse from 10 to 10 or 11Actually that has been great and I really enjoy cooking for people and "breaking Avanti's bread" together, that has been a real blessing. Still, I am so ready for a day that has nothing planned. Yesterday was a public holiday but since we still live at the manse, we still had to work (even though it's our day off – which generally means a day when we do less work than other days but still have to work). Thus I am still trying to catch my breath and I am not sure if that will happen for awhile. And maybe not even until July…

Well instead of chucking my phone into the garbage. Every time my phone rings or buzzed I internally cringe because I know it's something for work) in order to take a 7 day nap, I am going to try and read my book for awhile until I am too tried to stay awake.

Goodnight.

Holy Inefficiency

For awhile now, we've been trying to figure to how to maintain some Sabbath time as a team. It hasn't been going so well especially with the Easter convention coming up. Our time is constantly demanded. We also aren't very good at speaking up for ourselves. However, this past Monday we finally were able to carve out a little bit of time for a break from all stressed of BCI (even though we had to work on Sunday evening. Boo. It was okay though). So on Monday morning we loaded in the car and headed up to Hilton to meet Karen and Andrew Suderman at a coffee shop overlooking a quarry. It was so nice. Besides the mocha and the scone, hanging out with the Suderman's is always a great time. (Goulet). Not only did they treat us for coffee, but also provided us a time to laugh and think about "deep stuff."

During our conversation, Andrew brought up the idea of how sometimes we are called to a "holy inefficient use of time" – that sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is sit down with someone and have a cup of coffee, after all, one of the most revolutionary things in the Bible happened when a group of twelve men sat around a table with Jesus. I like this notion a lot (even though I am really bad at it). Still, I think that is has summed up what being a part of Radical Journey is about. I am not always using my skills or gifts or really know why I came here. Nevertheless, being inefficient is okay. We are here, being a part of a larger picture, and so yeah, we won't always know if we are doing anything of real value or impact. But we are here.

So even in the rush of trying to get things ready for convention, and the extreme pressure to get things done by that deadline, it's helpful to think about being inefficient as a way to usher in God's kingdom. It gives me an excuse to take a deep breath, and once again refocus.

Mthatha

Wow. I knew we all needed a break, but I wasn't aware of how desperately we needed one until we left Pietermaritzburg Friday morning, the Ballade packed full of our stuff, making the ride feel extremely painful on our already low-riding car. (The roads – or collection of giant potholes – in Eastern Cape didn't help either).

We had been hoping to get to Mthatha for awhile to visit Joe and Anna Sawatzky, more Mennonite Mission Network people and thankfully this past weekend we were able to do that.

We arrived in Mthatha, a city in the Eastern Cape province (about 5 hours south of PMB), around 3 or so in the afternoon – just in time for the really hectic Friday traffic. And I do mean hectic as some of the robots (lights) didn't work, tons of people walking around the streets and tons of potholes to avoid. We met Anna and Joe at the Bible school where they work (but not without first having to all get out of the car – except the driver – in order for the Ballade to get over the speed humps in the road. Yikes). This past weekend their school was having a workshop called "Farming God's Way" conducted by James and Joan Alty – more Mennonite connections from PMB. We actually didn't participate in the workshop on Friday at all. Instead, Joe and Anna took us to the backpacker's place where they were putting us up for the night. After we said our good evenings to the Sawatzky's, we went out for pizza at a local (hooray!) pizza place and then came back and completely and utterly crashed. Wow. We hit some type of wall. Since this place had a television, guess what we did all evening all? Yep. Watched TV – and not even good TV either. We ended up watching parts of documentaries – one of which had to do with prehistoric predators (known as the "terminator pig") and one about "wild Russia." It didn't really matter because all of us were zombies even before we started watching TV anyway. We actually were all in bed by 9 and that was when I realized how much BCI takes out of us.

And I continued to discover how true this is the rest of the weekend. But I'll come back to that – first let me give you more of the rundown of the weekend

Saturday: After checking out of the backpacker's place, we went back to the school where Joe and Anna gave us a tour, both of the school and downtown Mthatha. Towards the end of the walk, people kept asking us if we needed directions or if we were lost. One woman was very pleased that Joe and Anna were showing us the downtown area. Afterwards, we went back to the workshop and sat in on the rest of James' lecture before we had lunch and headed outside for the gardening demonstration. It was all very interesting but wow was it hot. In the evening we moved all of stuff to the Sawatzky's household and spend the rest of the time eating nachos, reading, interacting with their four boys, and having tea and scones (ah! They were wonderful!). It was completely relaxing.

Sunday: We went with Joe and Anna to their church in Mandela Park. It was a one room building with plastic chairs set up on a dirt floor. The congregation was very small but very welcoming, even though we didn't speak the same language. After being in the machine that is BCI for so long, I sat there feeling completely overwhelmed with gratitude. It was hot, but wow, what an experience. Plus we got some more basic Xhosa food, so that was great.

Monday: On Monday, Joe and Anna took us downtown to visit the Nelson Mandela Museum. (Mthatha is close to his birthplace). Afterwards, Anna took us fabric shopping, thus we females spent the rest of the afternoon sewing wrap around skirts (which turned out awesome). Connie really wanted to make donuts the whole weekend and on Monday night, she got her wish. Wow. We had so many donuts – it was the best. And after they put the boys to bed, they made us Fajitas. So needless to say, we had a ton of great food this weekend.

Actually, it was a complete blessing being there this weekend. I didn't realize how worn out we all were until then. I wish we could've stayed longer because even though the whole thing was relaxing, I still don't feel very well rested. Regardless of that, Joe and Anna are incredible people. It actually kind of felt like we were visiting family this weekend. Not only did they make us feel completely at home and feed us yummy food, but they also listened to us vent and debrief about a lot of things. That was probably the most crucial part of this weekend. Being able to take a step back from the madness that is BCI and be able to rest, read a Wendell Berry novel in 2 days, listen to a ton of awesome blue grass, watch and die laughing at the Colbert Report, see a different part of South Africa, play with Isaac, Moses, Levi and Jesse, eat about 100 donuts, make skirts, eat soup for second breakfast at 10 in the morning today, and generally just be, wow, that was exactly what I, and I believe my whole team, needed.

The kombi ride

Today something monumental occurred. I rode a kombi for the very first time.

Actually, I don't actually feel like I have accomplished anything really epic because I am still confused by the taxi service here. I definitely couldn't figure it out by myself since nothing appears to be marked as to where it is headed. Thankfully, I got to ride with Nolovuyo, the person I work with at A Rocha, so I just followed her. It was fairly uneventful. Although the Kombi driver did try backwards on the road for awhile, looking around for people to pick up. That was crazy, but at the same time, that is what I expect from taxi drivers here.

After we got back from the school we were at this afternoon, we got dropped off and headed different ways. As I headed back to Boom Street in the rain, I was reminded of the time when practically all the RJers walked back from a park in Chicago back to JPUSA in the pouring rain. It was not that extreme, but I kept thinking back to the first few days of trying to figure out Chicago's transportation system and how confused I was at first before I finally got it. It seems really silly now. So maybe there is hope here – that I'll actually be able to figure it out.

Who knows.

The Youth Mega Camp

I didn't want this weekend to come at all.

As noted in a previous post, I typically tend to dread all things weekend related here, mostly due to the fact that all weekend activities are more exhausting and intense than the rest of the week. (That, and the fact that we hardly ever get "down time" anymore). This weekend, I had the same type of dread and probably the worst attitude about it ever. Not only did I know that BCI's "camps" are really, really intense, but this camp was not being held at the "training center" here at the church (which is where the camps are usually held). The camp was being held at an actual camp ground, with tents and the whole bit. I hate camping. I don't know sitting around the fire and doing things like that, but when it comes to sleeping on the cold, hard ground. No thanks.

All I can say is thank God that it turned out way better than anything I had expected. Here are some of the highlights:

1. Well my first highlight is actually a lack of highlight. Since I went to a Congolese wedding reception on Friday evening, and stayed way longer than Christine or I had anticipated, I actually ended up being "kidnapped" by Christine and the girls and spent the night with them in Hilton. So instead of trying to sort through the chaos of getting people settled in at the camp and sitting in a session that evening, I found myself at the LD's playing "Sequence" and sleeping in an actual bed. It was awesome. In the morning, after "sleeping in" longer than I would have if I had been at the camp, took a shower and ate awesome waffles with the girls before Christine took me down to the campgrounds in time for the first session. It was such a blessing. I have been completely overwhelmed and stressed out by all things BCI lately, so just having that evening and morning to be was greatly needed.

2. Even though we spent a lot of time sitting in sessions, we did have a lot of time to socialize as well, which was great. I feel like I got to know some of the younger girls who are a part of the youth. So hopefully now on Fridays, I'll be able to recognize more people.

3. During the camp we were "divided" up into groups by certain colors (or should I say colours). I was in the blue group. Part of being the task of being in these groups was to make up a group name and chant/cheer. I was in the "long Johns" team. In the evening during the bonfire time, all of the teams had to present our chants. And my team won! It was really funny. During this time we also roasted marshmallows while we RJers made impromptu s'mores out of saltine-like crackers for whoever was willing to try them.

4. We sang a lot of Zulu songs. I have always liked when we sing Zulu songs before at church, but this weekend my love for them definitely expanded. There were some amazing singers and harmonizers in the group. I still don't know most of the words, or what the songs are really about (besides God) but it was fun to participate in them nevertheless. It was during these times when I had some more "wow, I am actually in South Africa and it is awesome" moments.

Those were the main highlights.

However, it wouldn't fully be a BCI related event without me struggling with some things and I definitely did, including more expectations that the church has for me but are things that are way, way, WAY out of my comfort level or even ability level. Still, I did find that I am able to deal with these things better. I still might not really understand what is going on (especially during the impartation of the Holy Spirit type of times) but I can handle it more. I still don't understand it or know how to fully engage it, but at least I can start processing it somewhat now.

The hardest part of the camp came about on Sunday. After the "impartation" time was the prophesying time. After a session about different spiritual gift and how everyone has different ones, we senior leaders were supposed to go around and prophesize over all the kids. Uh. I don't think this is my spiritual gift really. Or even if it would be, I don't know how to properly engage in it. Instead, I went around and prayed for some of the girls just about really general (but true) things, like reminding them that God treasures them and loves them, etc. It could've been a lot worse, especially since I really struggle BCI expecting me to be the type of person that I am not. But it went okay I think. I am just glad it is over.

I should mention that I was also "prophesized." Our friend, Nicole, who is a dear friend of ours and is practically incorporated into our team, came up to me afterwards and told me that she sensed that God was telling her that "God has it sorted" – that God knows the desires of my heart and has things taken care of. That I haven't been overlooked or left out. I know these things are all really generally too, but thinking about "life after Radical Journey" has been something I've been praying a lot about. So even though this message wasn't anything specific, there was this sense of peace that, yes, God knows that God is doing.

Praise God that God, indeed, knows what God is doing and why I am here. Looking back on this weekend, I am surprised of how "far I've come" here lately, even though it doesn't seem like that most of the time. But the fact that this weekend was surprising nice, even with its challenges, says a lot.