Moving...

I was so super ready to go home that I forgot how much I hate packing - that is, until this afternoon. Oh my word, I HATE PACKING!

During these times I am always reminded of my sister. Whenever Leah had to pack for anything she would spend hours with her clothes all over her bed complaining about how much it sucked. I can hardly blame her. Even packing for little trips is dumb. But when it's big stuff - like trying to fit my 10 month South African life back into my bag (praying the whole time that it's light enough not to get charged extra at the airport) - boy do I feel like Leah, screaming in my room that this is the worst thing.

It is the worst. Here is why.

1. It takes forever so it always requires me to pack before the actual day of departure. This then undoubtedly means that I packed something I am going to need in the next few days. So I am sure I am going to unpack and repack several times before this whole thing is over.

2. I always think I have way less stuff then I actually do. When my suitcase starts to look rather full, I always realize how much more I have left to put into it. yikes...Then I just feel materialistic. I think I am leaving a lot here but I am really not. All the stuff I bought/gifts for people cancels out what I am leaving.

3. With packing comes cleaning. Now, I don't mind cleaning but it stresses me out when I have to do both.

4. Okay, this is the larger issue here. Packing means moving. and moving just brings up weird feelings in myself. It reminds me of leaving Eureka, IL and that horrible moment when I cried in the rain before leaving 202 Elm Cir for the last time. It reminds me of moving out of Bluffton last year and how after all my stuff was packed up in Mom and Dad's van, how I just sat on the sidewalk outside of Hirschy Hall and cried. Although, I generally am ready for the next non-manse time of my life, it is sad leaving because goodbyes are always sad and very strange. For example, last night we had to say goodbye to Robbie, Daniel, and Ntuthuko (some of the guys in the youth) and it's really strange to think that I am probably never going to see them ever again. Even though I am really ready to go home, this whole process just underline this current theme of my life - letting go. I am tried of having to constantly be saying goodbye to people. I am really ready to be around people again that I love and not have to start from scratch yet again (although the latter is eventually coming...). This makes my heart hurt.