The Sunnyside of Maritzburg

Often, it’s hard to look on the bright side here in Pietermaritzburg – literally. Whenever the weather is rainy, (which is basically every other day right now. But I guess it makes sense because it is spring time here). (oh, also that crazy song from the Life of Brian "Look on the Bright side of Life" keeps popping in my head as I write this, which may or may not be a good thing). Good news though folks, today was bright and clear – that sky-blue type of sunny- and I got to do one of my favorite activities today as well. And what is that oh, so wonderful thing?

Walking to the grocery store.

Yep. That sounds ridiculously lame, but it’s true.

So far, we haven’t been able to get out very much. We live on the church property, so we really have no need to go anywhere (Plus, we don’t know how to drive the car and we don’t know how to use the public transportation here – which are taxis vans called kombis (that is probably misspelled) that generally sketch-out the females in our group). Needless to say, getting beyond our fenced and gated world of BCI is rather exciting, even if it’s just walking a few blocks up the store. (Although, for some reason, Connie and I got more weird looks today than usual). My favorite part of the walk is the purple trees that line Boom Street. I tried to take a picture of them, but it didn’t really do them justice.

I wish I could capture that feeling you get when Spring comes – or whenever the weather has been really depressing and then suddenly warms up. It’s delightful. And makes the day worth living.

Speaking of the day, I should report what I did since I haven’t really been talking about what I’ve been doing here yet (besides being weirded out by mice and their feces). I taught my very first ESL class today (with Connie’s help). It actually went fairly well – at least I think so. I hope my students felt the same. It wasn’t too challenging since all we did was go over the homework. Still, I really enjoyed it, which is really odd since I never thought of myself as a teacher, especially an English teacher. I hope that as time goes on, I will gain more confidence with my students and ability and be more helpful.

But speaking of lack of confidence, today I also had to call a bunch of people for the Missions department here at the church. Awkward. Here’s why: I hate using the phone to begin with. I am not sure what it is about that stupid little device that makes me cringe, but it happens. Now take that irrational fear of calling people and mix it with a different culture with a ton of names I have no idea how to say and a people who are more soft-spoken than not. There were several times today when I hung up the phone, not sure what had just happened. I hope people show up to this meal I was inviting them to. I guess see next Friday how effective (or ineffective) my calling ended up being…

Oh well. At least today was sunny and beautiful.

Mice Poop

I don’t understand how mice can poop so much. After all they are so tiny but here I am again cleaning off the multiple droppings on our kitchen counter every morning like clockwork. Apparently our mice are getting their daily intake of fiber. (I hope they aren’t eating our all All-Bran).

Sometimes it takes a lot of effort not to walk out of the manse and never come back. This morning, I was drying the dishes and as I was putting them away when I noticed the PILES of poop in the cabinets where all our pots and pans are. (UGH! Can I get a collective “ew” here)? I almost started crying. Poop is everywhere in our kitchen –stuck on our cutting board, in the silverware tray, in the pots, on the counter. Since we don’t have any money to buy effective mice-killing products until November, we just have to deal. Until the vermin are out of our house, it’s pointless to do anything really because tomorrow morning (and for the next few mornings of this awful, horrible month) I know where I’ll be: in the kitchen cleaning up poop.

Gross.

It’s really too bad. Kitchens are generally one of my favorite places to be. It’s a good place to gather as well as cook for the people I love. Yet, here, it’s been a real challenge since mice rule the roost. This weekend has really been tough. We have no money in our bank account so our food options right now are very, very slim, meaning that we’re hungry a good portion of the day. Yet the mice apparently have plenty to eat – or enough to keep pooping on everything we own. I’m rather terrified to clean out the rest of the cabinets (since we don’t have liners or cleaning products we haven’t touched a good portion of our cupboard space). I fully except be attacked by an army of mice whenever sweet November comes and I can actually do what I’ve been dying to do since we moved in here – hose everything down with bleach.

Oh sweet November, please come quickly…

Two Weeks in Africa

I was standing in my room yesterday afternoon when Caedmon’s call song Two weeks in Africa came on to my MP3 player. Given the fact that it was another beautiful afternoon in Pietermaritzburg and I was inside, feeling rather trapped at the Manse, I was not in a good mood. For one thing, I was mistaken in my thinking that I needed to do laundry the day before. I had thought we were going to be busy. Wrong. (Actually, I could’ve waited to do my laundry until that day since all my clothes got rained on while they were hanging outside so I had to bring them in and try and figure out how to hang them up inside the house. To make matters worse, Tuesday was a beautiful day. Needless to say, it was pretty frustrating). I should’ve waited –after all, we were supposed to be doing something. Right?

Earlier that morning, my team and I met with the Pastors, Thandi (the woman in charge of the NGO), and Christine (who is our MMN connection here) to talk about our possible positions for this year. There were four different categories that the five of us are to fill – working with the youth, the missions team (this would include ESL teaching, etc), BCA (Breakthru Community Action – the NGO), and the catering team/children’s church. So generally speaking, I fall somewhere it to the missions and catering/children’s church category. But I came out of that meeting with no clear sense of anything. Still.

I am really trying to be flexible. Really trying. But still, it’s a huge challenge not knowing ahead of time what we’re doing or when people are going to pick us up or show up at the house, etc. It’s even harder to sit around all day waiting. Waiting for nothing. Or so it seems.

So there I was- folding clothes in the room as the Caedmon’s call came through the headphones. The song, Two Weeks in Africa, is a song based on the story of a girl from the states who went on a missions trip to Africa. It’s pretty “stereotypical” in the sense of what one generally thinks people go to Africa to do – feeding starving kids, helping build church buildings, etc. And although I cannot really relate to this song (I am definitely not in the bush here people), things stuck out to me. For example, I didn’t realize that some of the song takes place in South Africa. I’ve also been here for 2 weeks now. These are all minor things but there were two lines in that song rang true in my mind as I grumpily folded clothes.

Number 1: We all can feel the calling/ to make this world a little smaller.

Number 2: He [God] doesn’t need us, but He lets us put our hands in/ so we can see His love is bigger than you and me

Since I haven’t done anything (yet), these words were really needed. Even if I feel like I am completely useless here I know that I am getting a bigger perspective of God and of the world and of my life just by being here (whether I see that yet or not). However, it’s the “just by being” part that really trips me up. I’ve been “being” all summer long. It’s definitely time to do something. Still, it’s good to remember that working alongside BCI and seeing what God is already doing here is a privilege. If I wasn’t here, it wouldn’t really matter. But God is allowing me to put my hands in and see what happens. To see that Christ’s love is bigger than anything I can ever offer.

Sunshine Perspective

It’s amazing how much sunshine can help change perspectives.

Although, yesterday was sunny as well but clouds soon rolled in during the afternoon. So “technically” today is our first real nice day in Pietermaritzburg. Alleluia. It’s about time. Not that this sudden change of mood will necessarily last very long, but it’s been a nice change of pace. (Sorry those last few blogs have been rather depressing).

It all started with sunshine and Saturday. Yet, it was more than that. Here is a trivia question to see how well you all know me. What is my favorite thing to do on Saturdays?

Hmm… Give up?

Answer: Going to farmers’ markets! And that’s exactly what we did this morning. Malcolm and Lyndel (a couple from BCI) took Connie, Tim, and I to the farmers’ market at Alexandra park. The funny thing was that we got there close to 9 in the morning and everyone was starting to pack up to leave. Apparently, to get all the good stuff people show up to this thing at 5 am! Wow. That’s hardcore. I am definitely not that hardcore about farmers’ markets, especially when all we needed was green peppers and eggs. But I am still glad we got to go and I hope that we will get to again. The park isn’t that close to our house and since we don’t have real transportation to get there I am not sure how often we’ll be able go. Nevertheless, it pretty much rocked my face off, especially since I bought 5 pink Gerber daisies for (get this) R7.00 (which equates to a dollar! Yep. In the states those babies go for about 3 bucks a head. They are sitting on our kitchen table right now, looking so wonderful). (Side note: Asheville's tailgating "farmers' markets" are still the best possibly ever).

I am happy that we got this opportunity to go this morning. I’ve been struggling a lot with green, sustainable living here. Recycling is non-existent in the city. It is literally painful for me to toss out glass, plastic, paper, etc., all things that can easily be recycled at home. I understand that often “going green” comes hand in hand with privilege. Yet, what do you do when you live in areas where recycling is not an option, priority or trendy? This is why I was even more excited about going to the farmers’ market today in Maritzburg. So if I can’t recycle, at least we can get some of our vegetables from local growers.

At least that’s something.

It’s amazing how much sunshine can help change perspectives. (It’s a good thing I didn’t go to Sweden then, eh?)

(Side note: Other good things happened today like doing a little bit of laundry. Wow that was really wonderful. Also, I got to make supper tonight. Finally! It was so good for my soul. The menu?: bean burritos made with Connie’s homemade tortillas. It’s really challenging to make Mexican food here, but it turned out great).

The Missing Bookend

In the living room we have a pile of books sitting on the desk. Considering how much we had to pack and carry here, it’s amazing that so many books made the cut – we have everything Shane Claiborne and Dorothy Day to Agatha Christie and Star Trek books (thanks to the treker Tim). It’s definitely an eclectic collection.

In the beginning days, I have tried to set these books up without bookends. But the books don’t like to stay in their make shift bookends. They are constantly toppling over each other due to their lack of stability or as we constantly move stuff around the desk and the room. Without bookends, it will always been an uphill battle. It’s really frustrating. Why won’t these stupid books stay up? (As it turns out, I have a lot of issues with clutter, which is odd for someone who typical has piles everywhere in her room).

Lately, I feel like those stupid books a lot – trying so hard to stand, but still regularly finding myself lying in a heap on the ground. But I shouldn’t feel like this, right? After all, I have a ton of support behind me. For example…

Pastor Russell and Nina Toohey keep telling us how much of a blessing we are by being here and so far, I have yet to figure out why. Really? There is no possible way that is true – especially right now.

We just got a new washing machine today (hooray! None of us have done laundry since the last few days of Chicago living, and will still be a few more since the machine isn’t set up yet). Every time I see it sitting in the kitchen I am reminded of how much the Radical Journey staff (the people who giving us money for these types of things) are supporting us right now. And Phil and Christine too – they’ve been so helpful.

Today, I am wearing silver earrings that look like trees from the women at Asheville Mennonite Church. Every time I look in a mirror or feel their movement as a turn my head, I am reminded of how supported that congregation is behind me, (which is amazing since they haven’t known me for that long).

And I am thankful for all this support, otherwise I definitely wouldn’t have even made it to the table. But thinking of all this support makes me feel very inadequate. We’re not doing anything. All I am doing today is sitting here, eating a burnt cookie, and generally feeling really grumpy. (I know that this isn’t forever but it’s often hard for me to move past the current reality).

Generally speaking, I often deal with feeling inadequate, especially here in Africa where everyone seems to be lively and energetic – and then there is me the quiet observer. Okay, well first of all I need to clarify some things. I may be quiet but I am not a quiet person. Even though I have a lot of those tendencies, it does not definite who I am. (I have things to say, people. It’s just sometimes people don’t shut up enough to listen). But in new environments, whether here for back in the States, it takes me awhile to warm up to new places and faces. I like relationships to evolve naturally otherwise I feel like they are not genuine. Yet, there already have been some cases where I have been labeled “the quiet one.” That is really frustrating. I feel like I need to be this crazy, outgoing person that I am not in order to fit in here. Yet, that’s not me. So like those books, I keep falling over into this awful self-critique of my personality. Still, I am different. Those books don’t have any other type of support and I do. So why am I constantly falling over? Why are there days like today when all I can seem to do is have a terrible attitude?

I think that I may be stretching here for an analogy (I guess this is what I get for trying to blog when I’m tired), but nevertheless it’s hard to have perspective when the bookends aren’t there. I have no idea where this journey will lead me. I know how it started, but I am missing the other bookend: how this is all going to end. So in the meantime, I guess I’ll keep falling over, continue to pick myself back up, and try to stabilize my life here.

The House on Boom Street

You’re staying at the manse? Oh, that is a mission!

We were standing outside of the church after prayers on Monday night, talking with some of the youth our age, when Nicole made that bold statement about where we are living. We laughed about it, but honestly, it’s probably true. Well, at least it feels true right now.

The manse is the house on the church property where we are living for the next 10 months. Apparently people have been moving in and out of this house for years so that the upkeep of the place has, well, let’s say not been kept up to par. At all. And sometimes in the mornings, it is a challenge to get out of bed knowing that I am going to have to spend a majority of my day in this house. Here are some things that get me depressed:

The manse is actually divided into two houses. We live on one side while Congo refuges live on the other side. Unfortunately, the “wall” that divides the two houses isn’t really a wall. By that I mean that it is really, really thin. So I hear them talking or the children screaming every morning. Ugh. (And their conversations probably aren’t very loud the wall is just that thin). (They are currently watching Toy Story and we can hear it loud and clear).

Mice have been dominating this house for years. Years. There are mouse droppings everywhere. The carpet and cabinets reek of mouse poop. Kyle killed one the other day, but then later on we saw two on the counter. They are very bold and do not care about the food we left them on our trap. (Actually, if they avoid it forever we might try to budget for a cat. Now that would be fun).

Mice droppings actually leads me to my next point: I am one of the people in charge of the budget and well, money has always stressed me out. Yet, we were not prepared for this house to have nothing in it when we came. So since we had to buy practically everything, our budget is really, really tight now. That alone stresses me out but I really want to get more cleaning supplies to ride this house of the smell. But we might have to wait until November.

We feel very trapped here. None of know how to drive shift or on the other side of the car and road. Plus, “our car” is really crappy and needs some serious work so we are completely dependent on others right now. Public transportation here is pretty nonexistent especially compared to Chicago living. It’s been hard to get used to that. To make matters even more complicated, it isn’t really a good idea for us to venture out and about. So we have this awkward balance of trying to be safe and smart as well as not living in fear. Today, Connie and I were headed off the church property to go up a few blocks to the post office when a man who works here came walking towards us. He then told us that we shouldn’t go at all because it was not safe for us to walk a few blocks at 2 in the afternoon. We eventually convinced him that we knew where we were going (we did) and that we’d be okay (we were), but it’s pretty discouraging to think that all the freedom we had in Chicago is completely gone now. I feel really stuck.

I know we’ve only been here a week, and as time goes on we’ll be able to make this place more like home. Just look at the flat at JPUSA. I hated being there at first, but by the time we had to leave I was really sad. (Thanks to JPUSA living sharing a room with two other girls seems like nothing compared to being crammed in with 7 others). So I know that as time goes on I will eventually come to love this place too.

But for now… it’s going to take a lot of effort…

So this is Africa?

I should've know that if the first thing we heard as we stepped off the plane on to Africa "soil" (aka the Jo'burg airport terminal) was Justin Timberlake's song Bringing Sexy Back than this journey to Pietermaritzburg was going to be interesting. Very interesting.

We as North Americans have a lot of stereotypes about what Africa is like. You know, living in huts and all that jazz. Well, welcome to the world of globalization. I knew that Africa wasn't going to be like that. After all, I am living in a city. Still, I never really realized how "westernized" everything was going to be until I found myself standing in a mall in Bloemfontain. weird.

Thanks to globalization, there are many things here that make things seem fairly familar - like KFC's everywhere. Yet, at the same time everything is so completely different than what I am used to.

I have a lot of issues with the United States. Part of my reason for participating in Radical Journey was to get out side of the American perspective. However, now that I am here I actually find myself missing home. And since "home" for me is a combination of missing North Carolina, Illinois, and Ohio all at the same, it basically comes down to one simple thing: I miss the States.

Wait. What?

Yeah, it's weird for me to say. Actually embarrassing. Still, it's where I am from so it is still an essential part of my story and who I am. I guess I never really realized it until now as dumb as that sounds.

So here I am in Pietemaritzburg, wondering how do I make a place where I am not comfortable home? I am not sure. I know, in time, it will come. But as I scrubbed the mouse droppings off the counter tops and floor in the kitchen, I couldn't help but think, I wonder how long it's going to take...